The Five A**Holes You Meet On the Road

To survive the roads of Saudi Arabia, you have to have a good reflex. Or if you're a girl like us, a driver who has it.

In this part of the world, traffic rules and regulations are not always followed by the assholes you meet on the road. So be prepared because traveling here is a maddening rush to hell. Even if you have good reflexes, you still meet accidents on the road because even if you (or your designated driver for the day) know how to drive and you know all the traffic signs and you follow the rules, there is someone out there who doesn't and will probably hassle and cause you trouble the way the devil does in your life.

Meet the five badass people you meet in the road (and will probably meet in hell, just in case you're that bad too).

1. The Kings of the Road
These are the people who think they own the roads. Of course they own it, and they can claim it for all we care. But if these "kings of the road" go as far as involving you in accidents, they have no right to be out on the streets and driving!

These are the people who think they can push you out of their way by flashing their blinding lights at you just because they're in a hurry. Aren't we all?! And it's even sadder when they flash their lights like that when you're on a ONE-LANE STREET! And these are the people who think they can get their way by driving big, luxurious SUVs. They hog the limelight and they hog every inch of the road, including embankments, islands and sidewalks! Isn't it enough that we're drooling over their astig cars?

These includes the youths in their ATVs who inch their vehicles on every space they can see. Some of them are so unruly that pedestrians are not encouraged to be pedestrians. No crossing especially on wide streets like Olaya during the night! The sound of their roaring engines will scare you out of your wits which is their goal exactly.

Unless you're the king (as in His Royal Highness), you do not have the right to become one on the streets! Especially when it's traffic, okay?!

2. The Uneducated
They who do not know their colors and their directions. How hard can it be to memorize three colors with three different meanings? Red means stop, not "faster!" Green means go, not "wait a minute." Yellow means slow down and not "honk your horns louder to make the car in front of you go faster than the speed of light." Good luck naman kung ROYGBIV na yan diba?!

Don't go color blind on the street.

Also, don't you just hate drivers who cut you in just when you're veering left to enter the highway and then they go right a few meters after you make way for them? Or what about those who turn to the North and realize they are going the wrong way and make turns just like that. Cars are made with signal lights. We wonder why they don't use them. Ulyanin ba?! Funnier are the drivers who use them, but are going the opposite direction! Le sigh.

3. The Haters
Just when we thought "bitterness is the new angst," some old-school drivers remind us that nope, rage is still the angst these days. They shout and cuss at you even if you're not the one at fault. And they shout and cuss some more even if no one can hear them anymore. Some just stare but they stare at you like they're gonna eat you alive. We think they're expecting us to just evaporate when we're actually wishing the same to them. Some honk their horns like there's no tomorrow, as if they can make you deaf! Some stop, go out of their cars and pick a fight. Although I rarely see a boxing match on the roadside here... they're more into spitting and spatting battles. So macho! :P Oh-kay! We know it's hot in here but keep your cool, man!

4. The Talkers and Texters
They call and they text... while driving! Granted that they're such experts in driving (and they passed their driving test with flying colors [kaya siguro nila nakakalimutan ang colors ng signal lights?!]), there's no easy way to tell them this: do not use the phone when driving!

Even if you're a multitasker and a popular fellow, it's not a very good thing to call or text and drive at the same time because you lose your focus on the road. If the call is so important, then it's better to stop and take it. The topic might make you more less focused. Sometimes, some drivers forget they're on the road once they started chatting away on the phone that they stall traffic flow. Traffic na nga eh lalo pang gagawing traffic!

5. The Combo
If the ones mentioned above are bad... the combo of the four rolled into one is the worst! If they're in hell, these are the drivers who will be rotting away in the seventh circle, just before the Malabolgia, because they're violent against themselves, their neighbors, the Almighty, and nature. It's as if they want to perform the harakiri for purposes we do not know (and wouldn't want to know). They do not care about others at all as long as they reach their destination (which we're not sure where, baka sa ibang mundo na) in the shortest amount of time possible.

It's funny because sometimes, pag bwisit na tayong mga Pinoys dahil minamadali tayo ng driver sa likod natin, we always say 'Lumipad ka!' in jest... yun nga lang, mukhang sineseryoso naman ng iba ang suggestion. How can you spot them on the road? Well, you just have to keep your senses open because this kind likes to infuse the element of surprise in every corner. Be careful!!!

There are more specific kinds of drivers out there like the ones who are more inclined to make pa-cute to women riding in other cars than driving safely or the ones who park like crazy, or the ones (i.e. taxi drivers) who make harurot like this is one big drag race they need to win (feeling cast ng The Fast and the Furious!). Mabuti na lang walang alak dito noh? Good luck na lang sa DUI! Pero sabagay, kung minsan talo pa ng mga drivers dito ang lasing na drivers sa pagmamaneho! Anyway, feel free to add the kinds of drivers you know in the comment box.

All we're saying here is be careful when you're on the road. Even if you trust yourself, you cannot trust other people to drive carefully as you. Also, please don't be any of the above. Seriously, don't.

Drive safely and be careful!